On my heart: mothering.

*I know it's been  f o r e v e r  since I've written here. Life does that, I guess. If you want more up-to-date happenings on life, follow me on instagram here (@amydavis356). :) :)

I've had more than one person say to me in the last week alone something to the effect that I'm "the best parent ever", or their "parenting role model". And to be quite honest, even though I'd like to gloat and take some glory, it's really SO very much NOT about me. 

You see, I'm about the second most impatient person that I know. For real. 

I'm hot-headed, and sometimes I inappropriately display my anger in ways that should not be displayed in front of children (or really at all). 

I am an introvert and recharge by being by myself, which doesn't always mix well with being a stay-at-home mom, especially when the aforementioned children don't nap or don't nap well.

I could go on and on about all the reasons why I make an unfit mother. But the bottom line is this:

I am a work-in-progress, continually being changed and shaped by none other than my LORD Jesus Christ. 

When I am patient, it's because of HIM.

When I curb my anger and express love instead of hate, it's because of HIM.

When I'm able to rise above myself and my wants and play with my children when all I want to do is run in my room and be alone, it's because of HIM. 

I'm hoping that you're catching my drift.

So while I appreciate the "you're an awesome mom" comments (really, it's very encouraging), I just have to be sure that it's made known that I am only that mom because of who Jesus is in my life. 

I never want to give the allusion that I have it all together or that this whole parenting thing is easy for me. I want other moms out there who may be struggling to know that there is hope, and His name is JESUS.

Just this morning, it was barely 9am and I was in tears, wondering how in the world I was going to make it through the long day ahead. I fully recognize the raging pregnancy hormones that for sure take all things to the next level, haha, but still. 

My mind turned to this passage in Isaiah:

Do you not know? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.He gives strength to the weary,and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.*Isaiah 40:28-31*

And ya know what was right on that exact same page? 

He tends his flock like a shepherd:He gathers the lambs in his armsand carries them close to his heart;he gently leads those that have young.*Isaiah 40:11*

Such balm to my soul. Such refreshment. 

I am so thankful that He cares. That He loves my babies more than I do and that He has designed ME to be their mother. 

You are not alone.

*a little humor for a not-so-humorous post.*

Some days are difficult. Like, really difficult.

Most days I'm excited about a third child.

On days like today, I'm completely and utterly terrified.

Driving home today after a rough morning of running errands, I saw a sign somehow through my tears that I had never seen before. 
I think it was an ad for the Army? Not sure. But here's what it said:

We don't take applications. 
Only commitment.

And good golly, that resonated quite soundly. 

You see, if I had to submit an application to be a mother, I would most certainly NOT get the job. By my own natural tendencies, I am a downright terrible mother. 

It's funny*, because I've dreamt of being a mom for my entire life. Somewhere in all that dreaminess, I just kind of assumed it would come naturally to me. Newsflash in case I've been fooling any of you: IT DOESN'T. 

*I chuckle only to keep myself from crying more tears--it's just so far from the truth. 

BUT. While my application would for sure be denied, one thing is even more certain: I am committed. 

First and foremost, I am committed to the Lord and allowing Him to change me. 

Second, I am committed to these children and becoming the very best mom that I can be to them. I realize this does not and will never mean perfection. But for me, the best that I can be entails surrendering my natural tendencies to the Lord and begging Him to change me and make me more like Him. 

I texted a friend when I got home (which is a rare thing for me when I need help) because I just felt so alone in this and needed to know if I was the only one who struggled. Guess what? I'm not. 

Sometimes it's easy to get tunnel vision and only see our own difficulties and along with that, it's so dang easy to believe the lie that noone else knows what we're going through.

I put all this out there as a simple message to others who may be feeling the same: 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

If you're struggling as a new mom, experienced mom, young mom, older mom, mom of one, mom of twenty, working mom or stay at home mom, you are not alone. 

We were made to live in community, support each other, encourage each other, and spur one another on in our callings and commitments. Maybe many of you have already learned this. Maybe not. I just know I feel led to share. 

Be encouraged, fellow mamas. No matter where you are on your journey, the Lord wants to use you and teach you and make you more like Him. And do not forget that you are not alone. :)

Jehovah Jirah

I just have to give the Lord the praise and glory He deserves.

A little backstory...

This year will be filled with all sorts of big expenses--some of which we were expecting, some of which we weren't. Some days I do better than others when it comes to surrounding my worries to Him and trusting His word when He says:

"So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do no worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." 

(Matthew 6:31-34)

These past few days, my mind has been filled with thoughts of how all of these upcoming expenses will be paid for. And God has been so patient with me, pointing out time after time where He has taken care of us in the past. 

Isn't that so silly? I see His constant provision in the past, yet I still sometimes question and doubt how He will take care of in the future! So silly. I know better. 

This morning, Chris received some amazing news from his employer. He's asked me to spare the details, but after my initial shock, my eyes welled with tears as I knew this was God speaking.

Jehovah Jirah. The Lord provides.  

I'm certain that this news will not cover everything coming at us this year, but to me, it is such a clear sign of God saying,

"I've got you guys under the shadow of my wing. Please trust me."

***********

Lord of Lords - Hillsong ft. Brooke Fraser

Beholding Your beauty
Is all that I long for
To worship You Jesus
Is my sole desire
For this very heart
You have shaped for Your pleasure
Purposed to lift Your Name higher

Here in surrender
In pure adoration
I enter Your courts
With an offering of praise
I am Your servant
Come to bring You glory
As is fit for the work of Your hands

Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords

Spirit now living
And dwelling within me
Keep my eyes fixed
Ever on Jesus' face
Let not the things of this world
Ever sway me
I'll run 'til I finish the race

Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of eternity echoes the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords

Holy Lord
You are holy
Jesus Christ
Is the Lord

Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
Call all the saints to join in the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords

Twenty Fourteen

Remember back in March when I changed up my blog? 

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I knew I wanted something different, but I wasn't really sure what, so I temporarily wrote in the blog header:

to be changed.

And the more I thought about it, the more those exact words lined up with exactly what I wanted for my life. 

And thinking back on the year 2013, that is exactly what happened. I would most certainly say this was the most difficult year of my life, but it has also been the year that has brought me closest to the Lord. 

*funny how that works, am I right?

I am so thankful that I stand here in the beginning of 2014 a different person than I was at this time last year. I have a deeper understanding of what it means to live each day dependent on my Savior. 

So as I fix my gaze into the next year, I may write a few loose goals, but overall, I want to grow even deeper in my love and need for Jesus. I just want to be changed. Again. And again and again and again for as long as I walk this journey called life. 

Life IN Jesus

God made him who had no sin

to be sin for us

so that in him

we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:21

************

Whoa. That's a verse I have to read over and over again to fully comprehend the fullness of it. And still, whoa. 

I was talking with a friend yesterday about temptation and sin and how it seems that we each have our own thing or things that we're tempted by.

And this morning, as I read this verse, 

I'm reminded of how much I need Him. 

Every moment of every hour, I need Him! 

I think that's what this verse means when it says, 

in Him. 

When we are in Him, constantly abiding, that's when we're becoming more and more like Jesus, 

able to live in victory over our sins!!

And this is the Gospel, my friends. The Good News. 

We can live a victorious life in Jesus! 

Praise Him!

On my heart

Roseola. Molly had it when she was 14 months old, and now my sweet almost 9 month old baby has it. Not a huge deal, but enough to keep us home from church so that the other babies don't get it.

So I sit here with my coffee and the Word in front of me and listening to the rain fall (or maybe that's just the puddle underneath the gutter). Either way, it's peaceful. And my heart is full. Missing my church family, for sure, but God is here. 

As I try to settle my mind, I can't help but think about all the things I want to be involved in right now. My mind literally races. All of things that I want to be doing. All the people I want to see. 

And for some reason, I let guilt overtake me that I'm not doing these things. I could do better at this, do better at that. And who's looking at me wondering why I don't do this or that? And why do I even care? Maybe I should just quit everything and start at square one? 

Or maybe I should just allow myself to be released from feeling like I need to do it all. And just be.

Just live and love and follow my Jesus. 

My son, do not forget my teaching, 

but keep my commands in your heart, 

for they will prolong your life many years

and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name

in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:1-6

the BEST kind.

Tonight as I sit here, exhausted from a day's work and waiting for my dear hubby to get home from our house, I read Nie's encouraging words, and this stuck out to me:

Family is hard work, but it is the best hard work that ever existed.

That's the truth, and it is echoing in my head tonight. 

Thank you, Lord, for my precious, beautiful family.

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My "quiet" time

I've mentioned this before, but sometimes, my quiet time with the Lord looks a whole lot like this:

What I've realized is that this is just a season of my life. And know what I'm finding? The Lord meets us right where we are. 

So be encouraged, my friends. Just come to Him and let Him show you His love. His mercies. His truth. 


Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14

Living Water- part TWO

Well. I certainly didn't intend for a whole entire month to go by without writing. But ya know, life happens. We took a trip to North Carolina to visit my mom. (I'll give you a recap on that later.) 

Also, I'll have a really exciting announcement later this week. Am I keeping you on the edge of your seat? 
(no, I'm not pregnant, let's just get that out of the way now)

Anyway.

My month of drinking only water is over. And this coffee I'm drinking right now as I type is SO tasty. 

So what did I learn? What did the Lord teach me? First off, if you are one of those people that says, "I could NEVER give up coffee!", know that I was one of those people too. I really was. But when the Lord calls, I answer, and when He calls, He equips (not the other way around.)

It was somewhat ironic, because the very day I made that commitment, I read this on Hannah's instagram:

"it is wonderful what miracles god works in wills that are utterly surrendered to him. he turns hard things into easy, and bitter things into sweet. it is not that he puts easy things in the place of the hard, but he actually changes the hard thing into an easy one." 

hannah whit hall smith

And that day, I wondered if that would be my experience through all of this.

Let me tell you, friends, He absolutely was my help. 

I never suffered from caffeine headaches. I was rarely tempted to give in. But on the occasions that I was, He was my strength, and I was reminded of WHY I was doing it, not just the fact that I was. In summary, keeping your eyes on Jesus is always a good thing.

*************

One last thing, friends. Here's a song that's been on my heart the last couple of days. It's speaking to me hardcore. What is your "sing all you want to"? This last month, mine has been drinking coffee. And this week? It's something else. Please give this song a listen. Open your hearts to what the Lord may be speaking to you. 

Anything I put before my God is an idol.Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. Anything that I give all my love is an idol.

SIX months

Oh Coop. Where do I even begin your six month post? 

(Well, first, I read Molly's. Here. Wow, that seems like forever ago.)

You are a lot like me--you live in the extremes of life. When you're happy, you're really happy. But when you're mad, well, you're really mad. 

You have quite possibly the best smile I've ever seen. Your face can light up the entire room. And your laugh. Oh, your laugh. You  are super ticklish, and your sister can really make you giggle.

But--how do I say this?--you've been quite the challenge. I'm fairly certain I've changed more in the last six months than I have in my entire life. You've driven me to my knees in a way that nothing else has up to this point in my life.

You've taught me more about being a parent than I had learned with Molly. You've been quite the opposite of her, throwing me for a loop in that some of the things we'd done with her, well, they don't exactly "work" with you. (I imagine we'll be running into that a whole lot more!) :)

Ya know, it's hard to necessarily put the blame on one thing, because it's not just you. It's been tough with daddy in school, learning how to adjust to two kids, and your big sister Molly entering a new phase of toddler-dom. :) 

These last six months have stretched us, to say the least. But my love for you has grown more than I ever thought possible. You are SO special to me, Coop-scoop. I cannot imagine our family without you. 

love always, your mama.

************

....and of course, some more pictures. :)

for funnsies...both kids at 6 months:

Stand fast.

truth. buy this print here.

Sometimes my morning time gets interrupted. Sometimes it's short, quick, and to the point. Other times I am able to take longer to bask in His presence (and sip a little more coffee). 

But the point is that He is here. In the thick of my mothering two young children. In the early mornings. In the sheer exhaustion. He is here. And He is more than enough for me.

I was reminded this morning in my She Reads Truth study (I'm a bit behind) while reading Peter's closing of his first letter: Stand fast in it (referring to God's grace).

Stand fast in His grace, in His mercy, in His abundance of love. Remain in Him, and He will remain in me. 
Apart from HIM, I can do nothing. (here)

So what does this practically look like for me? I'd love to share some of the things that work best for me. (And please know that I am still a work in progress, learning new things each day!) :)

*Morning quiet time. Like I said, long or short--it doesn't matter. Just spending time with Jesus, preparing my heart for the day. 

*Light a candle at the beginning of the day to remind yourself that you are representing the LIGHT OF THE WORLD to those in your household. 

*Put on some music and SING songs of worship! This always directs my heart to Jesus.

*Being grateful. When I'm tempted to complain and grumble about difficulties of my day (or more realistically, that specific moment), I am trying to remember to take a few seconds and look for God's abundant blessings. It's really tough to complain while seeing God's amazingness all around me. :)

*Get outside. A breath of fresh air is SO good for everyone in my household. A must to relieve the afternoon crankies.

*Take a bath. I've never been much of a bath person until recently when I discovered how completely amazing it is to sit still in a a dark bathroom, candles lit, no kids, and just BE. Even if it's for 10 minutes. I've decided that for me, this needs to happen once a week. 

For a few more super ideas for how to stay refreshed and connected to Jesus, please see this post. And be sure to read her story about falling FORWARD. I just love this analogy!

SIX AM

I know 6am might be a normal wake-up time for some, but for me, it's super early. You see, Molly was the type of baby to sleep in until at least 8 or 8:30. Even if I woke up at 7, that gave me plenty of coffee and Jesus time before she woke up.

But this little guy?

It's 6am. Sometimes 5:30.

Awake and kickin. Kicking my tail, that is. *grin*

For about the past couple of weeks, it has been really frustrating to me. I've woke up grumpy, angry, and reeking of selfishness.

But this morning, I woke up with a fresh perspective that I pray sticks with me.  

This is a phase of life. It will pass.

I hear too often:

The days are long, but the years are short.

And I want to soak this up. I don't want to look back on these years and remember wishing them away because certain moments are difficult. I want to cherish the good moments and let them outweigh the bad. 

Maybe that's easier said than done, but heck, I'll try!

A quick reminder

Growing up, I somehow had this warped picture that when I got into heaven, as I was passing through the pearly gates, God would recount each and every one of my sins to me for every to see. Like, on a big screen TV. Larger than life. 

Can you imagine the embarrassment? The humiliation? 

(Also, how LONG that would take for each and every person!?)

I'm so thankful this morning that my God has completely forgiven all of my sins. In fact, Psalm 130 says:

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, 

O Lord, who could stand?

(Who could stand!? Noone!)

and Colossians 2:13-15, which says:

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.

I'm so thankful this morning for my new vision of entering eternity. 

I imagine Jesus, waiting there for me expectantly 

and excitedly saying, 

Welcome, my child, your sins are forgiven. 

Your penalty has been paid in full.

Friday Highs.v47

Today, I've had two completely separate instances where big prayers have been answered. One I've been praying for for over a year!! The other, just a few months. But I just cannot let them pass without giving Him the glory He deserves. 

It reminds me of the song I sang as a kid...

Our God is so big, so strong and so mighty. 

There's nothing my God cannot do.

(reminds me of church camp in Maryland!)

Our God is good. Never forget that, friends. 

He works for our good. He is FOR us.

***********

On a slightly smaller scale, but still praise-worthy, Cooper reached not just one, but two milestones yesterday.

He rolled over for the first time, and he laughed for the first time. Luckily, I was able to catch the last few giggles on camera....

(here are Molly's first giggles caught on camera)

(also, she had SOOO much more hair at this age than Cooper has!)

And a daddy/son picture...

(please note their matching shirts)

***********

One last thing because this made me chuckle. Molly thought her babies needed to do tummy time like Cooper, so she lined them all up right next to him. :)

I am beyond excited because tomorrow I get to see this lovely lady and finally meet her little boy. It's been TWO years.

Pretty sure it's going to be amazing. :)

  

Happy Weekend, friends!