On my heart about Molly's heart

photos by chelsie.

Today, Molly has an appointment with a cardiologist to have an ultrasound of her heart. Her pediatrician has heard a heart murmur at her last couple of well-visit check-ups, and wants to have it checked out. It's one of those things that could be absolutely nothing, or it could be something serious like a hole in her heart.

I can't help but think back to the song that I wrote for her at our formal dedication when she was 5 months old. (I say formal, because we had obviously had already dedicated her to the Lord. In fact, it's a continual thing, hence this post. *grin*)

Anyway, the second verse of the song says, 

There have been times we've been scared.

There have been times where we've not known what to do.

And I imagine there'll be many more times,

when there is nothing we can do but to cling to Him.

and the chorus:

We give you to Him. 

We give you to Him.

He gave you to us, and now we give you back to Him.

These last few weeks have been somewhat of a battle in my heart. I believe what I wrote in that song with all of my heart, but there's that human part of me that worries. BUT, Jesus commands us in Matthew 6 NOT to worry. So it's a continual battle... "Jesus, I give her and her heart to you." "But what if she needs heart surgery?" "But what if she has heart problems for the rest of her life?" "Jesus, I give her and her heart to you."

The other day, I was listening to this song in the car, and the bridge hit me like a ton of bricks:

I am yours. I am yours. All my days, Jesus, I am yours.

And I thought, yes, Jesus, I am yours. For all of my days. 

*cue bricks*

And Jesus, my daughter is yours. Not only do I give her to you, but my job as a parent is to show her with my life how to live that out.

I hope and pray with all that is within me that I am able to come back and tell you all that Molly has a perfectly healthy, normal heart.

But the faith that I must have, the faith that I want to show my daughter, is that 

even if she doesn't

We will still give the Lord glory. 

We will still praise His name.

We will still continue to live our lives as an offering to Him.

Thanks in advance for your prayers. :)

His blanket

Back when we found out about number two, I had the idea of making him or her a blanket but questioned whether or not I would have the time. Molly's blanket took forever. But I didn't want this little baby to feel jipped. 

Now, I feel like Molly has been jipped, because I like this blanket SO much better than hers. In fact, I don't think I ever even blogged about it because I was so unhappy with how it turned out. Oh well. Maybe someday I'll make her a new one :) 

Onto HIS blanket....It's kind of funny to me that I am only 23 weeks pregnant and already finished with it. But I think I started it when i was around 13 weeks or so. I had chosen the gray through the yellow, and then picked the remaining colors when we found out he was a boy. 

It's honestly a little bigger than I thought it would be, probably a little big for a true baby blanket, but I am so happy with how it turned out. :)

my inspiration blankets: here and here.

Water

*Warning: there are a LOT of pictures in this post. I just couldn't narrow it down.

This was one of those "Grab your camera, who cares if the settings are right" moments. So they're not high quality, and a lot of them are even blurry. But it was one of those pee-your-pants moments that was too funny not to record, and too funny not to share.

Enjoy.

Mmmm. This water looks pretty good.

Wait a sec, do I spy a remote?

This is how I watch Praise Baby! Yah!

Ok, back to this water. I can't believe they haven't taken it away from me yet.

Here, Dad. Try some.

Are they still letting me do this? I'm going to head into the kitchen for a few more sips.

Gulp. Gulp...

So very pleased with myself. I'm so good at this.

**Oh my gosh, I'm laughing so hard at the look on her face that I can't even come up with a caption... do you see the water ALL over her shirt and dripping down her pants?!?! 

Ahh, water is so good for the soul.

Is there any more left? 

Yep. Oh gosh, I underestimated how much was left!

Ok, now it's really gone, but let me see if I can get the last drops with my fingers.

*You can't really tell in this picture, but she's licking her fingers.

I hope at least one person enjoyed that as much as Chris and I did. And yes, there was a puddle of water on the floor. But it was so worth it. :)

Embrace the Camera

It's been a while since I've officially embraced the camera, as far as linking up with Emily. But I've honestly tried to do better at snapping pictures of Molly and I together. I hope these are pictures that she will someday cherish. :)

Chris took these the other day taking my bump pictures.

22 weeks here, in case you missed it.

I need to make sure to give him credit, because he really does a great job. Thanks, babe. You're a great photographer. :)
ps- he also took these.

For the boy

So yep, number two is a boy. 

Quite honestly, I've felt this whole time that he was, so when we found out, it was more reaffirming than anything.

If you follow me on pinterest (here) you've probably already seen all these things that I'm giddy to make for him.

here. here. here. here.

Now to just find the time... :) 

Baby, Baby: 22 weeks

How far along: 22 weeks. 

Baby's size: a spaghetti squash.

Sleep: Ok. Not great. But I don't think it's related to pregnancy.

Maternity Clothes: Pants- Yes. They're just way more comfortable. Although a few of my pants from last time around don't fit yet. 

Food cravings: None.

Food aversions: Nothing anymore.

Symptoms I have: a little bit of backache. I feel lightheaded pretty easily if I stand up too fast. Other than that, not much at all!

Doctor’s Appointment: Just had one last week. He's perfectly healthy!

Movement: He's definitely moving a lot. Although we found out at the appointment that he's breech, which makes so much sense why his movements feel different than Molly's ever did. I can definitely tell he's kicking down there...sometimes it's like he's trying to kick his way out! haha.

Gender: It's a boy!

What I’m looking forward to: Seeing his face. Having two kids. More on that here, just in case you missed it.

What I miss: Having a little bit more energy.

See week 13 here.

Heart talk.

Do ya'll ever talk to yourself?

I do. A lot, in fact. 

I was just sitting here on my couch, working on little boy's blanket as my sweet little girl is snoozing, and spewing my thoughts out to myself. (Or whoever else is sitting on the couch listening. Zoe? Haha) 

And then I thought, oh, this could be a blog post. Oh, and we have internet now. Sa-weet!!!

So. Ahem. I'm rolling up my sleeves, seeing if I can remember how to properly put my thoughts on "paper". Bear with me.

*Pause to feel sweet little boy kicking. bestillmyheart.

*A second pause to put diapers in the dryer.

See what happens when I take too long of a blogging break? I share way too much. 

And now that I've babbled so much before even getting to my original thoughts which are inspiring this post (!), I'll give you a sweet picture to hopefully keep you going. If you so desire.

photo by who else, my dear Chelsie. From Molly's one year shoot. 

I'll share more later.

Now where was I? 

Ahh. Thinking about having two children. 

There seems to be this thing. This vibe, feeling, unspoken whatever-it-is, that having two kids--especially so close in age--is pure craziness. Madness. All you can do is go into survival mode. Freak Out. Blah blah blah blah. Anyone heard that, or maybe even feel that way? 

Well I have yet to feel any anxiety or nervousness. I mean, yeah, there's the slight fear of the unknown, but it would be like that no matter how old Molly is. 

Before I get any further, I have to say, PLEASE don't tell me "You just wait." I have no choice but to wait, and I will learn what it's like in my own time. 

(shudder. nothing irks me more)

Moving on. 

I'm sure that there will be difficult times. There are difficult times right now, with one child. There were difficult times in my life before I had a kid. Days where I either wanted to rip my hair out or just sit and cry for hours. This is a part of life. 

I guess I just don't want to focus so much on the negativity and the difficult-ness of having two that it takes away from the joy. 

Right now, I am SO beyond excited for this little boy to come. I am so excited to meet him, to see his face. To hold him close and snuggle him. To kiss his sweet face. 

To see how Molly interacts with him. To see her kiss his sweet little face. To see her hold him. To see her evolve into her big sister role. 

I'm excited to see how Chris acts as a second time father. He's seen the baby stuff now. He kinda knows the drill so-to-speak. I'm excited to see how he connects with his son. To see them bond. 

So maybe I'm living in LaLa Land about all of this, but I'd rather think that I'm choosing to focus on the positives. 

******************

And as with most of my on my heart type posts, I don't proofread. Otherwise I'll second guess too much of what I'm writing and it won't be as much on my heart, ya know? 

Love you all, and if you made it this far, huge props to you. I guess you deserve another picture :) :)