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Not really sure how to start this post, other than I’ve just been stirring on these things today. There are things about myself and who I am that I want to change. Before anyone gets to the end of this and thinks I’m being too hard on myself, please let me say I am an advocate for change. When a person doesn’t strive to change and grow, he gets stale and crusty. Ick. So don’t read this as a list of complaints about myself. Read it as a prayer list, if you will. Without further ado, here are things I’m working on/trying to change:
-My temper. I have a hot one, let me just say that. But in the past couple of years I’ve discovered that my reaction to situations that fire up my temper is a choice. I don’t have to blame it on myself—e.g. “that’s just who I am.” I can choose to act differently. For some blog-worthy examples, see here and here.
-Being a little messy. It’s ok sometimes. Sure, I prefer it when the house is tidy, dishes are clean, and things are put away. But the act of letting go and realizing that it doesn’t have to be like this all the time has done wonders for my sanity. In fact, I’m sure if you came over to my house right now, you’d find stacks of mail, the ironing board left out, dirty dishes in the sink, clean ones on the counter, goodwill piles in random places, a near-trashed closet, an unmade bed, and who knows what else. But I’m learning to go with it. And I’m sure once this little one comes, I’ll have to learn to go with a lot more. *grin*
-The way I disagree with people. I have to admit, I have not even come close to mastering this is the least bit. When Chris and I went through our pre-marital counseling, we took a strengths-finder test, and I discovered that one of my top strengths is belief (those of you who know me probably aren’t surprised at this). Unfortunately, I don’t argue well if you disagree with me. For some reason I just have the toughest time not telling people how it is or how it should be. The worst part for me is my attitude in situations like this. I tend to come off hurtful and rude. See, belief in itself isn’t a bad spiritual strength. But I know when it starts hurting people, something needs to change.
*disclaimer- I’m not really talking about basic spiritual beliefs that no follower of Christ should ever sway on. I’m talking about the less serious issues in life. the gray areas where it really is ok to be on either side of the fence.
-My thoughts. I really honestly wish that intentional thinking came naturally to me. But too often, I just let me mind drift aimlessly. You know what I’m talking about? It’s kind of hard to put a finger on. But to have intentional thoughts for me, to have my mind purposefully centered on something, takes effort. Yet I still want to strive for it, because I believe this is one of the ways that life can be experienced more fully.
Well, I’m sure there’s more. But here’s to change. Change as the Lord leads. Change that only HE can make through us.