Cause when I am weak, your strength is completeit's perfect, completely all I need, sufficient for me.Your grace and your peace are perfectcompletely all I need, You're all that I need.-Adie Camp, SufficientI remember a long time ago my mom telling me that children are a tool that God uses to make his children more like Him. I always knew that when my time for children came, God would definitely be working with me on my patience. However, in my naiveness, I think I thought that would come later on--maybe toddlerhood, certainly not in the newborn phase.Boy, was I ever so wrong.Ya know, there's a lot of things people don't tell you in regards to having a kid. A lot of people portray parenthood as this instant unconditional love that automatically makes you the perfect parent. (Maybe that happens for some people) While I have definitely found that unconditional love to exist--stronger than I ever thought possible---I also learned something very quickly:I am still a human, and my love is imperfect.In my own selfishness, I struggle when Molly won't go back to sleep in the middle of the night, because I want to climb back into bed and sleep. In my own selfishness, it is hard for me when she wakes up at an inopportune time, because I want to finish my sewing project, or finish straightening my hair, etc. If I'm going to be candid here, those moments of putting her first above myself do not come naturally.When I first realized this, I really (really really really) struggled and beat myself up over it. In fact, I paced around my apartment with tears streaming down my face because "I'm not a good mom." (the voice of the enemy)But what I've come to realize is that of course my love is imperfect. It's always going to be, because I am a human. It is only through HIM that my love can be made perfect. It is only when I rely on HIS strength alone that I can love Molly with a selfless heart and mind.I'm thankful today for this realization. His strength truly is sufficient for me.
7.01.2011
Sufficient
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Your thoughts here are so refreshing, thank you.
ReplyDeletewow. so beautiful and encouraging. thanks for being so raw and sharing that... I am definitely encouraged. love you girl.
ReplyDeleteAmy, let me first say that you are a fantastic mom! I have had first hand experience seeing this. Like you said, satan likes to decieve us and put these negative thoughts into our minds.
ReplyDeletePlease know that this past week it was AWESOME to see how great you and Chris are with Molly. Just some things I saw... you put molly's need for food before your desire to finish a game that I'm sure you wanted to play, you held Molly and got her out of her carseat even though she wasn't crying or fussing because you didn't want her to have to sit in a seat all day, you changed her clothes when she spit up on her 3rd outfit in a row, you patted her little back for a long time because you knew it helped her sleep, you changed her diapers even though it seems like she doesn't necessarily mind having a dirty diaper. You wrapped her in a blanket and left out one little arm because you know that's how she likes it. You are a fabulous mom! These are only a FEW of the things that I saw and really admire. You put the needs of others before your own. Knowing all these things about your daughter in such a short time is fascinating! That proves that you take the time to really watch and observe Molly and you desire to make her happy. You are a fabulous mom and don't let satan tell you different!
I love you and Chris and sweet, sweet Molly! :)Wish we were closer!
Love,
Shelly
love hearing what God is teaching you. you're right where you are supposed to be. it is a long learning process, and we never really reach a perfectly selfless place until heaven. right? through the Holy Spirit, you have the same access to self-control as I do, even though i'm nine years "ahead" in mothering. laying down one's life was never supposed to be easy. it's a continual, moment by moment sacrifice to parent. some days we're better at it than others and grace helps us up during those times when we fall apart. maybe "growing up" into motherhood is more about the practice of accepting grace for our sin, rather than just getting more perfect. think i'll blog about that :)
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