Good morning You and the sun are up before I'm ready But ready or not, you need me So here I am
I'm learning that in the long hard days There is beauty Do you know my favorite place to see it It's when I look at you
And though I'm tired now You're worth every sleepless night You're worth it all, cause I know... You're the best song I'll ever write And we're humming and dancing through the years together You're the best song I'll ever write And I pray you'll hear Jesus in it when you're older I remember when you were just a heartbeat that I heard and now our eyes meet Forever is not enough to love you Every prayer for you is like a seed in the ground Every tear I cry is like rain And in its due season I pray a harvest will be found Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name
It's Sunday night as I write this. Tomorrow is my very first day staying at home alone with both my babies.
To be quite honest, I'm terrified.
But this song has been resonating in my head lately. I can't listen to it without getting a bit weepy.
These babies are absolutely driving me to my knees. My sweet little Molly has all of a sudden entered the stage of challenging authority. It's left me speechless probably too many times to count. And my itty bitty Cooper has developed bouts of inconsolable fussiness that just break my heart. I don't quite know what is making him so uncomfortable, and it just kills me. :(
All I know is two things:
First, they're worth it. Even one sweet smile. Or one, "I love YOUUUUUUU!!!" The hugs and the kisses. The big newborn eyes that sometimes go crossed-eyed, accompanied with the little flared nostrils. Ha. They get me. Deep in my soul. I love these teeny humans so much more than I ever thought possible. The difficult times, this past difficult pregnancy, gosh, even the pain of childbirth---it's all so incredibly worth it.
Second, I cannot do this on my own strength. I don't know how people even try. The last few days, I've sat here during difficult times and thought through tears, "how in the world am I ever going to do this?" And the truth is, I--by myself--can't. This is going to have to be a daily, heck, hourly, act of surrender to the Lord and how He wants to work in me.
I kinda thought my next update would be sweet pictures of Molly and Cooper together. I have a lot of those. :)
But this is where my heart is right now. I'm off to pray.