Two kids. What's on my heart.

.You're the Best Song.by.Bethany Dillon.

Good morning
You and the sun are up before I'm ready
But ready or not, you need me
So here I am

I'm learning that in the long hard days
There is beauty
Do you know my favorite place to see it
It's when I look at you

And though I'm tired now
You're worth every sleepless night
You're worth it all, cause I know...

You're the best song I'll ever write
And we're humming and dancing through the years together
You're the best song I'll ever write
And I pray you'll hear Jesus in it when you're older

I remember when you were just a heartbeat that I heard
and now our eyes meet
Forever is not enough to love you

Every prayer for you is like a seed in the ground
Every tear I cry is like rain
And in its due season
I pray a harvest will be found
Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name

It's Sunday night as I write this. Tomorrow is my very first day staying at home alone with both my babies. 

To be quite honest, I'm terrified.

But this song has been resonating in my head lately. I can't listen to it without getting a bit weepy. 

These babies are absolutely driving me to my knees. My sweet little Molly has all of a sudden entered the stage of challenging authority. It's left me speechless probably too many times to count. And my itty bitty Cooper has developed bouts of inconsolable fussiness that just break my heart. I don't quite know what is making him so uncomfortable, and it just kills me. :( 

All I know is two things:

First, they're worth it. Even one sweet smile. Or one, "I love YOUUUUUUU!!!" The hugs and the kisses.  The big newborn eyes that sometimes go crossed-eyed, accompanied with the little flared nostrils. Ha. They get me. Deep in my soul. I love these teeny humans so much more than I ever thought possible. The difficult times, this past difficult pregnancy, gosh, even the pain of childbirth---it's all so incredibly worth it.

Second, I cannot do this on my own strength. I don't know how people even try. The last few days, I've sat here during difficult times and thought through tears, "how in the world am I ever going to do this?" And the truth is, I--by myself--can't. This is going to have to be a daily, heck, hourly, act of surrender to the Lord and how He wants to work in me. 

I kinda thought my next update would be sweet pictures of Molly and Cooper together. I have a lot of those. :) 

But this is where my heart is right now. I'm off to pray. 

And sleep. :)