*originally posted april 24th, 2009*
My computer won’t let me post anymore. Everytime I log in, safari shuts down. So I have a post that I wrote last Saturday (about weddings and marriage!), but I keep forgeting to send it to work so I can post it here. So for now, thoughts for today…
And God. I’m not really sure where I’m supposed to begin to describe how I feel about him right now, but I’ll do my best. He is holy, and I worship Him for that. He is loving, and I want to bask in that. He has always proved faithful and true, and I never ever want to forget that. But ya know, He’s also like the chess player that sees all the moves, and I’m that little piece that can’t see anything but the squares behind me. Yep, nothing but behind me. All sides and front views are blocked. I can’t see anything. I don’t know what the next step is, what the next move is, or how fast or slow we’re going to get there. But I have to trust and know that He has a purpose and a reason for everything. Everything. And looking at those squares behind me, as hard as it might be, is encouraging and uplifting, because every step along the way, He’s been there. (and then there’s those Footprints moments, where it’s only His footsteps, because He carried me).
So I really have no other choice than to trust Him and believe that He will continue walking with me going forward. Not that I literally have no choice. Plenty of people run from God during the hard times. But I can’t do that. Because all I’ve ever known and seen in my life and in the lives of those around me is a God who can be trusted. A God who cares and loves and will carry you on His shoulders every step of the way if that’s what needs to be done. I have to believe that. I just have to.
Even though I’m walking through the valley of the shadow,
I will hold tight to the hand of him whose love will comfort me.
And when all hope is gone and I’ve been wounded in the battle,
He is all the strength that I will ever need. He will carry me.